Cheating, a nasty word that every couple fears. It is the opposite of a true bond, a trust, a friendship. It hurts to the core and often brings about resentment, ill feelings, and hate for the person we once called "Soul Mate". Cheating is feared because it brings out all of our insecurities. It makes us wonder what does that other person have that we don't. It penetrates the heart like alcohol poured into a sore or wound. We often wonder what we did wrong to cause this major disruption in our relationship. Did we gain weight? Did we fail to provide love, or smother our partner with too much love? Now what are we to do? Can we forgive our dishonest, unfaithful partner? Many of us do, for numerous reasons and excuses, ignoring the fact that he or she is just too weak to end the relationship.
Parties often use their children, assets, family, and friends as an excuse not to leave the cheater. The relationship goes through a cycle that involves the cheater begging forgiveness and trying to mend what he or she has destroyed. The victim painfully tries to make sense of what has occurred, accepts it, and forgives. Then, the memories of the cheater's adulterous ways return sending the victim into a rage, sometimes causing uncontrollable violence. After all is said and done time is the only true healer of a broken heart.
The cheater becomes a model partner trying to prove that he or she can be trusted, until the uncontrollable urge or a vision of lust becomes overwhelming once again.
Sound familiar or too close for comfort? Nearly 1.2 million American marriages were dissolved by the courts in 1994. It is stated that nearly half of new marriages will end in divorce. A University of Oklahoma study revealed that the "no fault" divorce actually raised the number of divorces in 44 states.
There are several ways to recognize and catch a disloyal partner. It is usually discovered with a sudden change in behavior. For example, your partner wants to go places alone, or he or she doesn't show any true affection or have a sexual appetite. Your partner stays out late with unexpected meetings, or receives pages in the middle of the night. The home is inundated with strange phone calls coupled with whispering conversations, or your partner suddenly panics and hangs up the phone when you enter the room.
Also be aware of any closed platonic relationships. Most friends will not approve of the cheater's ways but will remain very dependable. Some friends will actually help the cheater get out of the home and will often provide an iron-clad alibi for the cheater. Don't get upset or blame the friend for his/her part in the plan. You must understand although it is difficult, that the cheater's buddy will assist the cheater out of loyalty and true feelings of guilt. These emotions usually stem from a long lasting or childhood friendship.
I must admit, some cheaters are very shrewd. They show no signs of any wrong doing. All tracks are covered and they are more loving than ever. This is a difficult nut to crack. This person usually has something to lose if he or she is caught and knows how to manage his/her affairs. This is the type of individual that requires a professional. The cheater is in control of his/her life and can handle the pressures of handling two sexual partners. This type of individual causes the most pain.
What can we do to catch these unfaithful, uncaring, selfish individuals? First of all the cheater must no know that you suspect him/her. Although it is difficult, you must still treat the cheater the same way as you did prior to suspecting him/her of cheating. Give the cheater plenty of room to hang himself/herself, don't try to interfere with the cheating behavior. If you suspect the cheater is actually cheating at home while you're away, make false plans to be away one weekend and stay at a local hotel. Park down the street from your residence, then watch and wait. Before you try some of these suggestions, make sure you are willing to accept the consequences without violence. Have a plan as to what you intend to do if your suspicions are indeed confirmed.
Tips on what to do prior to catching a cheater:
1. If you intend to dissolve a marriage after your suspicions are confirmed, it would be in your best interest to seek an attorney for advice on pensions, separation of property, custody battles, bank accounts, etc. You need to know just how complicated the divorce will be.
2. See a therapist if you think that the pain will be too great to handle or you intend to stay in the relationship.
3. Always remain calm and never resort to physical violence (believe me, the pocket book hurts worse than physical pain!).
4. Bottom line, be prepared and ready for action! You deserve the upper hand for a change!
Remember that you will come out of this a winner if you prepare and don't lose your cool. The cheater did you a favor. You don't need anyone in your life that will not be faithful and constantly upsets you. You are too good for the cheater and deserve much better. It will be hard, but let the cheater go because we all know that most of the time, "WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND".
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of not resorting to physical violence. You run the possibility of having criminal charges filed against you, an arrest record, possible jail time, as well as a fine, which will only increase your pain. IT ISN'T WORTH IT!!!!
My last suggestion is to hire a professional Private Investigator that has extensive knowledge in surveillance, decoys and special devices to catch the cheater RED HANDED.
Victoria S. Frelow
Scotland Yard Investigations
This article cannot be reprinted without the express consent of Scotland Yard Investigations/Vickie Frelow